+++ WST MIND-A(b) TEXTUAL CORRESPONDENCE REF: “HIGH PRIORITY SECURITY ANNOUNCEMENT” 2083-12-12

#COMPANY WIDE ANNOUNCEMENT#

This is a notice regarding a breach of sensitive data which occurred on 12/12/2083, at 1301 UTC.
The reason for the breach was: INCORRECT PROCEDURE FOLLOWED DURING MANUAL MAINTENANCE OF SERVER ROOM 4019a.
The culprit of the breach was: EMPLOYEE-91848184.
The following information regarding 6712 WST employees was published to several public domains:

– Full name, date of birth, sex, ethnicity
– Blood type
– Medical history
– Browsing history, including records produced during the WST pre-employment background check
– Purchase history, including records produced during the WST pre-employment background check
– Financial history, including records produced during the WST pre-employment background check
– Login details for WST employee tracker
– Employee tracker history, including biometrics (heart-rate, temperature, pupil dilation etc.)
– Restroom Time-Wasting Monitoring Camera footage
– Report history
– Restroom Time-Wasting detections
– Disciplinary notices
– Records of potentially compromising information regarding employee
– Advertising profile
– Complete body measurements, including genital and internal

WST take data breaches very seriously, and are currently working on the following solution:
NO SOLUTION FOUND WITHIN ACCEPTABLE RESOURCE BOUNDARIES: NO ACTION WILL BE TAKEN.
RESOURCE BOUNDARIES CONSIDERED: “The solution may take: no more than 0.0000000 seconds, no more than 0.000001 watt power consumption.”

END OF MESSAGE

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