+++ WST MIND-A TEXTUAL CORRESPONDENCE REF: “COMPETITIVE SPORT EXPERIENCE 2083-12-18”

#COMPANY WIDE BROADCAST#
DEAR EMPLOYEES,
THIS SATURDAY 18/12/2083 AT 06:30 GMT YOU ARE INVITED TO WITNESS A SPORT EVENT TO CELEBRATE THIS FOURTH QUARTER. 
YOUR PRESENCE IS MANDATORY. 
THE LOCATION OF THE EVENT WILL BE THE “WST EMPLOYEE-8382946 MEMORIAL LEVEL ASTROTURF SURFACE”.
THE SPORT BEING PLAYED HAS BEEN PROCEDURALLY GENERATED BY WST MIND-A(t):
> THERE WILL BE “2” TEAMS > EACH TEAM WILL CONSIST OF “6” SPORT COMPETITORS> THERE WILL BE “7” PLAYING PERIODS > EACH PERIOD WILL BE “34” MINUTES LONG> THERE WILL BE “4” “BALLS” OF A “GENERALLY SPHERICALLY NATURE”> “19” POINT-SCORING AREAS, CONSISTING OF “4.00m” x “0.50m” DISTRIBUTED RANDOMLY> THE BALLS MUST BE ARTICULATED USING THE SPORT COMPETITOR’S “LEFT ELBOW” AND/OR “RIGHT FOOT”> THE SPORT WILL BE CONSIDERED “CONTACT”
IF YOU HAVE RECEIVED TEXTUAL CORRESPONDENCE REF: “SPOR- 4759” YOU HAVE BEEN SELECTED TO PERFORM AS A SPORT COMPETITOR. THIS TIME WILL BE DOCKED FROM PAYMENT AS WILL AN ADDITIONAL UNDISCLOSED AMOUNT FOR UNIFORM AND EQUIPMENT RENTAL FEES. THIS WILL BE REFLECTED IN YOUR DECEMBER PAY SLIP.
END OF CORRESPONDENCE

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+++ WST MIND-T TEXTUAL CORRESPONDENCE REF: “MEMETIC IMAGE” 2083-12-16

#COMPANY WIDE BROADCAST#
DEAR NIGHT EMPLOYEES,
IT HAS COME TO THE ATTENTION OF THE WST MANAGEMENT BUREAU AND THE WST “HUMAN” RESOURCES BUREAU THAT MANY OF OUR NIGHT-SHIFT EMPLOYEES ARE FEELING NEGLECTED.
TO COMBAT THIS A RESPONSE FROM WST MIND-T(t), AS PROCESSED BY WST MIND-T(v) IS AS FOLLOWS:
“PLEASE ENJOY THIS HUMOROUS MEMETIC IMAGE, ON BEHALF OF WST”

IMG - HUMOUR - 107986.jpg

END OF CORRESPONDENCE
PLEASE RETURN TO YOUR WORK

+++ WST MIND-T(b) TEXTUAL CORRESPONDENCE REF: “DAILY ANNOUNCEMENTS” “‘HUMAN’ RESOURCES” 2083-12-13.1

#COMPANY WIDE BROADCAST#
DEAR EMPLOYEES,
HERE ARE THE DAY’S ANNOUNCEMENTS FOR DATE: 2083-12-13
> IN RESPONSE TO THE THEFT OF SPECIFIC WST PROPERTY, AND THE SUBSEQUENT “BLACK MARKET”, WST MIND-Q HAS CONSIDERED OFFICIAL COMPANY ACTION AND CONCLUDED:> ALL “STAPLERS” ARE NOW CONTRABAND. PLEASE DISPOSE OF ANY YOU FIND AT YOUR NEAREST REQUISITION OFFICE. NO REFUND WILL BE OFFERED. ANY RESISTANCE WILL BE CONSIDERED DISSENT. ANY DISSENTERS WILL BE ISSUED A DISCIPLINARY HEARING WITH THE WST SECURITY ENFORCEMENT AND INTERNAL AFFAIRS BUREAU.
> WST WOULD LIKE TO ENCOURAGE ALL EMPLOYEES AT SITE 57Q TO IGNORE THE UNIDENTIFIED ORGANIC MATTER CURRENTLY GROWING ON FLOOR 4 OF BUILDING 270. IT WILL NOT CAUSE YOU HARM IF YOU MAINTAIN A HEALTHY WALKING PACE AND AVOID “EYE” CONTACT.> WST CBRNE (CHEMICAL, BIOLOGICAL, RADIOLOGICAL, NUCLEAR, ELDRITCH) DISPOSAL AND MANAGEMENT BUREAU AGENTS WILL ATTEND TO THE ANOMALY WITHIN 48 HOURS.> THERE WILL BE A MINUTE’S SILENCE TOMORROW AT 12:00 GMT TO REMEMBER THOSE LOST THE PREVIOUS EVENING AT SITE 57Q. MAY THEIR EMPLOYEE IDs NEVER BE DUPLICATED AND THUS REMAIN UNIQUE TO THEIR EMPLOYMENT. 
END OF ANNOUNCEMENTS.
WE AT THE WST ‘HUMAN’ RESOURCES BUREAU WOULD LIKE TO REQUEST AN EMOTIONALLY POSITIVE AND PRODUCTIVE WINTER CELEBRATION PERIOD.
THE DATE IS 13/12/2083 14:05 GMT
END OF CORRESPONDENCE

+++ WST MIND-A(b) TEXTUAL CORRESPONDENCE REF: “HIGH PRIORITY SECURITY ANNOUNCEMENT” 2083-12-12

#COMPANY WIDE ANNOUNCEMENT#

This is a notice regarding a breach of sensitive data which occurred on 12/12/2083, at 1301 UTC.
The reason for the breach was: INCORRECT PROCEDURE FOLLOWED DURING MANUAL MAINTENANCE OF SERVER ROOM 4019a.
The culprit of the breach was: EMPLOYEE-91848184.
The following information regarding 6712 WST employees was published to several public domains:

– Full name, date of birth, sex, ethnicity
– Blood type
– Medical history
– Browsing history, including records produced during the WST pre-employment background check
– Purchase history, including records produced during the WST pre-employment background check
– Financial history, including records produced during the WST pre-employment background check
– Login details for WST employee tracker
– Employee tracker history, including biometrics (heart-rate, temperature, pupil dilation etc.)
– Restroom Time-Wasting Monitoring Camera footage
– Report history
– Restroom Time-Wasting detections
– Disciplinary notices
– Records of potentially compromising information regarding employee
– Advertising profile
– Complete body measurements, including genital and internal

WST take data breaches very seriously, and are currently working on the following solution:
NO SOLUTION FOUND WITHIN ACCEPTABLE RESOURCE BOUNDARIES: NO ACTION WILL BE TAKEN.
RESOURCE BOUNDARIES CONSIDERED: “The solution may take: no more than 0.0000000 seconds, no more than 0.000001 watt power consumption.”

END OF MESSAGE

+++ WST MIND-F(d/f) TEXTUAL CORRESPONDENCE REF: “COMPLAINTS HANDLING REPORT 2083-12-10.13”

#COMPANY WIDE BROADCAST#
The following is an auto-generated report. The report was generated by the complaints-handling routing in WST MIND-F(d) and processed by WST MIND-F(f).

WST have received a large, but undisclosed, number of complaints regarding: COMPANY-MANDATED ACTIVITIES WHICH EMPLOYEES ARE REQUIRED TO CARRY OUT, WHICH HAVE TO BE COMPLETED DURING WORK HOURS, BUT WHICH ARE NOT CONSIDERED TO BE BILLABLE BY WST.
WST MIND-F(d) has reviewed all complaints submitted by employees. Note that WST takes all complaints very seriously.
The text-encoded response from WST MIND-F(d), as processed by WST MIND-F(f) is as follows:
Dear employees of WST,
the following is a complaints response, drafted on 10/12/2083 at 15:50 GMT as a response to complaints recieved between 15:49:58 and 15:49:59.
100 complaints deemed unjustified and ignored.18 complaints deemed inappropriate or unsavoury – complaints not considered, but diciplinary notices disemanated.2 complaints ignored for undisclosed reasons.58 complaints ignored for no reasons.2 complaint deemed reasonable, and considered. Response generated “WST would like to apologise that a deceased feline was observed in CORRIDOR 19, SECTION 43(q), BUILDING 19, TECHNO-ETHNO RESEARCH by 2 employees. WST do not believe the deceased feline existed, but extend condolences nonetheless.”


END OF COMPLAINTS RESPONSE
END OF COMPLAINTS REPORT

+++ WST MIND-B TEXTUAL CORRESPONDENCE BROADCAST G-327891-PY-37281

#COMPANY WIDE BROADCAST#
Dear employees,
it is the 10th day of ADVENT. Therefore there we are 14 days away from CHRISTMAS. Brand new luxury treats are available from the internal manufactory. These new treats utilise an advanced human-style unique recipe:”LUXURY COOKED AND BAKED GOOD, WITH FLAVOURING” : 57.2% FAT, 42% SUGAR, 0.5% SALTS, 0.3% FLAVOUR MIXTURE (MUSHROOM EXTRACTION, MSG, MUSHROOM EVAPORATION, MUSHROOM OIL, SOYA ISOLATE, GRAPE PULP POWDER, EVAPORATED GRAPE PULP, COW MILK POWDER, COW YOGHURT POWDER, COW BEEF PROTEIN POWDER). Estimated shelf life of LUXURY COOKED AND BAKED GOOD, WITH FLAVOURING: 22.1E+004 years.
LUXURY COOKED AND BAKED GOOD, WITH FLAVOURING was tested in our internal laboratory for contaminants. The lab tested for heavy metals and toxic ingredients. The tests were carried out by WST auto-testing machinery. The results of the tests were observed by WST MIND-A(b), processed for 0.0327189 seconds, and destroyed by a WST MIND-A(b) database cleansing routine. If you would like a copy of the results of this testing, you will not be able to obtain one, as they have been destroyed.

Mandatory 19-page requisition forms will be distributed to employee terminals. Bring your completed requisition forms to your nearest requisition office to recieve your complementary pack of 4x LUXURY COOKED AND BAKED GOOD, WITH FLAVOURING.
As a special treat, the WST music generation routine will be playing “CHRISTMAS-THEMED GENERATIONAL ALGORITHM, BASED ON THE MELODIC PATTERNS OF 20000 ‘CHRISTMAS SONGS’. GENERATED USING AN ALGORITHMIC MIX OF: 98% CHRISTMAS-THEMED, 1.7% EXPERIMENTAL (MANDELBROT-CONWAY CHAOS-INDUCTION), 0.3% AFRO-CARRIBEAN DRUM.” for six hours each day. Please enjoy this: it is being done so that you can enjoy it.

MERRY ADVENT DAY 10.
Return to work immediately, now that you have read this text.
THE DATE IS 10/12/2083, 14:58 GMT

+++ WST MIND-N TEXTUAL CORRESPONDENCE REF: “EMPLOYMENT OPPORTUNITIES” 2083-12-10.74

#COMPANY WIDE BROADCAST#
DEAR EMPLOYEES AND EMPLOYEES OF WST-SUBSIDIARIES,
HERE ARE THE JOB OPENINGS DATED FOR “DECEMBER” 2083:
> 3x PROCEDURAL CATERER (ref: 281.79/G)> REQUIREMENTS: WST LEVEL 17 CATERING CERTIFICATION, WST LEVEL 17b COMPUTATIONAL ANTICIPATION CERTIFICATION, MINIMUM 3 YEARS IN SIMILAR POSITION (acceptable equivalent ref: 281.79/G, 281.79/F, 281.78/Q), MAXIMUM 4.5 YEARS IN SIMILIAR POSITION> DESCRIPTION OF EMPLOYMENT: 63/HRS PER WEEK, D-GRADE MONTHLY PAYMENT, TIER 9 HOUSING OPTIONAL, LOCATION: WST SITE 49F [PSYCHO-LOCOMOTION AND ADDITIONAL PUMPING(a)]
> 1x Q-PUMP SUBSPECIALIST (ref: 45.3/A)
> REQUIREMENTS: WST LEVEL 29 PUMP ENGINEERING CERTIFICATION or WST LEVEL 36 PUMP ANALYTICS CERTIFICATION, MINIMUM 2 YEARS IN SIMILAR POSITION (acceptable equivalent ref: 45.3A, 45.3B, 45.4/A, 281.78/G)> DESCRIPTION OF EMPLOYMENT: 18-90/HRS PER WEEK (variable), N-GRADE MONTHLY PAYMENT, TIER 6 HOUSING OPTIONAL, LOCATION: WST SITE 49F [PSYCHO-LOCOMOTION AND ADDITIONAL PUMPING(a)]
PLEASE NOTE ALL SITE INTERNAL REASSIGNMENT REQUIESTS MUST BE APPROVED BY ROLE MANAGER. ALL SITE EXTERNAL REASSIGNMENTS MUST BE APPROVED BY RELEVANT WST MIND.
END OF CORRESPONDENCE