#SITE WIDE BROADCAST: SOUTH JERUSALEM 5#
This is an entertainment notice, designated EN-358295Q4. The date and time at the time of writing is: 208312111015.
At 208312111817 there will be “SPECIAL TREAT VIEWING”. This will take place in JANITORIAL DEPARTMENT 15, which is currently being repurposed as a MOVIE (MOVING PICTURE AND AUDIO) DISPLAY FACILITY. Employees of JANITORIAL DEPARTMENT 15 should refer to a prior email ref: REDUN-10581A/gp and are not required to read further.
“SPECIAL TREAT VIEWING 9127” consists of:
1x Procedurally animated motion picture WITH AUDIO ACCOMPANIMENT.The motion picture WITH AUDIO ACCOMPANIMENT was generated using the following:- 67% “BOLLYWOOD CRIME DRAMA”- 3% “BOLLYWOOD COMEDY-TRAGEDY”- 12% “INDEPENDENT UGANDAN COMMUNITY CINEMA”- 4% “EDUCATIONAL HORROR ‘FLICK'”- 14% “INFO-MERCIAL”
The total run-time will be 19249.2 seconds. The audio accompaniment will reach a peak volume of 172 db. The content of the display has been certified by a WST system separate to the display-generation system. The following text was generated:”THIS MIGHT CONTAIN SEGMENTS WHICH ARE INADVISABLE FOR VIEWING OR LISTENING. THIS MIGHT CONTAIN SEGMENTS WHICH COULD CREATE EMOTIONAL DISTRESS UPON SEEING OR HEARING. THIS MIGHT CONTAIN SEGMENTS WHICH ARE DIFFICULT TO INTERPRET, EITHER THROUGH VIEWING OR LISTENING OR BOTH. THIS MIGHT CONTAIN SEGMENTS WHICH COULD BE CONSTRUED AS RACIST. END OF CERTIFICATION.”
WST WOULD LIKE TO REMIND EMPLOYEES THAT COMPANY-PRODUCED MORALE BOOSTERS ARE MANDATORY.
WST WOULD LIKE TO REMIND EMPLOYEES THAT COMPANY PRODUCED MORALE BOOSTERS ARE NOT SANCTIONED BY MANAGEMENT AND WILL BE CONSIDERED PERSONAL TIME.
Please enjoy “SPECIAL TREAT VIEWING 9127 – it was designed with this in mind.
END OF ENTERTAINMENT NOTICE.
#COMPANY WIDE BROADCAST#
is the 10th day of ADVENT. Therefore there we are 14 days away from
CHRISTMAS. Brand new luxury treats are available from the internal
manufactory. These new treats utilise an advanced human-style unique
AND BAKED GOOD, WITH FLAVOURING” : 57.2% FAT, 42% SUGAR, 0.5% SALTS,
0.3% FLAVOUR MIXTURE (MUSHROOM EXTRACTION, MSG, MUSHROOM EVAPORATION,
MUSHROOM OIL, SOYA ISOLATE, GRAPE PULP POWDER, EVAPORATED GRAPE PULP,
COW MILK POWDER, COW YOGHURT POWDER, COW BEEF PROTEIN POWDER). Estimated
shelf life of
LUXURY COOKED AND BAKED GOOD, WITH FLAVOURING: 22.1E+004 years.
COOKED AND BAKED GOOD, WITH FLAVOURING was tested in our internal
laboratory for contaminants. The lab tested for heavy metals and toxic
ingredients. The tests were carried out by WST auto-testing machinery. The results of the tests were observed by WST MIND-A(b), processed for 0.0327189 seconds, and destroyed by a WST
MIND-A(b) database cleansing routine. If you would like a copy of the
results of this testing, you will not be able to obtain one, as they
have been destroyed.
19-page requisition forms will be distributed to employee terminals.
Bring your completed requisition forms to your nearest requisition
office to recieve your complementary pack of 4x
LUXURY COOKED AND BAKED GOOD, WITH FLAVOURING.
As a special treat, the WST
music generation routine will be playing “CHRISTMAS-THEMED GENERATIONAL
ALGORITHM, BASED ON THE MELODIC PATTERNS OF 20000 ‘CHRISTMAS SONGS’.
GENERATED USING AN ALGORITHMIC MIX OF: 98% CHRISTMAS-THEMED, 1.7%
EXPERIMENTAL (MANDELBROT-CONWAY CHAOS-INDUCTION), 0.3% AFRO-CARRIBEAN
DRUM.” for six hours each day. Please enjoy this: it is being done so
that you can enjoy it.
MERRY ADVENT DAY 10.
Return to work immediately, now that you have read this text.
THE DATE IS 10/12/2083, 14:58 GMT